Void's "Serious" Fan Fic

Hey all,

In honor of the many fanfics being written up, I decided to contribute one of my own. Pending how you, the community, reacts I'll either keep writing or just abandon things all together.

Best, Void

CHAPTER 1 - New Beginnings and Old Socks
“Can any of you see anything?” asked Flint Lockwood, peering out into the shadows beyond the cage. The robotic servant at his side squeaked a response.

“Well, yes, I know your sight radius is less than mine…” started Lockwood, before another series of beeps cut him off

“I didn’t ask you, FLDSMDFR, I asked the others” explained Lockwood, earning himself another series of beeps.

“Well, no, I’m not saying that you’re useless. I’m saying that one of them may have put more points in perception than me” he continued. There was a moment’s pause before a series of loud, angry beeps went off.

“I don’t quite think it’s a crime against humanity that the Engineer’s robots don’t have stat points. You are, after all, not human” added Lockwood. FLDSMDFR shook with the force of the beepage. It was like Jerry Springer.

“Hey boss, the gate’s opening” yelled back Quassy, training his gun outwards.

“Right, you heard him! Form up everyone” shouted Lockwood, before looking back and seeing that everyone was already in formation. Well, all save one.

“DOOMERANG, what are you doing in that corner of the gate?” questioned Flint Lockwood, raising an eyebrow at the heavily armored form wielding a large gatling gun.

“Oh my god. Just what do you think I’m doing, mister bossy pants? I’m going to kill some zombies. Who exactly do you think you are? We’re all equals here. I don’t have to listen to you. ‘Oh look at me, my name is Flint Lockwood. I have 80-bajillion experience points, so you should obey me’. I’m mass clicking the attack button so I can get first kills. Duh!” responded DOOMERANG, giving a Lockwood a sour look, “You people” he hissed, shaking his head.

“Why did we invite him again?” whispered Blaqk, having crept up to Flint’s ear out of no where. Flint jumped a little, Blaqk’s suit having allowed him to blend in with the scenery.

“Chat was empty” hissed back Lockwood, shaking his head. Maybe playing a man down wouldn’t have hurt.

Without further ado, a great klaxon rang out and the gate trembled before it slammed to the ground. The men surged out and stopped short, the zombie horde meeting them head on. They were weak and small things that oddly resembled Justin Bieber. The very though infuriated the group and made them attack like frenzied wolves.

“What the hell…” whispered Flint, watching one of their group surge ahead of the rest. He was clad in a medic’s combat suit and didn’t even have his rifle properly braced.

“Someone’s been dipping into the anti-venom” observed Quassy sagely as the medic ran up to the first zombie and head-butted it. Amazingly, the zombie fell to the ground, despite the medic taking some damage from its claws. The next zombie fell in a similar manner and the next, each one letting out a horrid shriek that sounded suspiciously like ‘baby’.

“Why must you always face tank, ArcanePariah?” growled Flint Lockwood, keeping the pressure on. Just as it looked like the medic would die within the first minute of gameplay, causing an epidemic of leavers…

“My name is Inquisitor, but you will know me as the lord” stated a figure haloed in light from the nearby sun. His armor shimmered revealing cracks and scrapes from repeated fighting. He growled and depressed the trigger of his sniper rifle. A cloud of white, ethereal threads rushed out, whipping through the air. They filleted the zombies around ArcanePariah without much effort, sending waves of viscera and severed limbs billowing out into the air. With this one well-struck blow, the entire zombie horde was reduced to misty blood and mutilated bodies in seconds.

“I could have done that” grunted DOOMERANG, looking severely unimpressed.

“I wanna blow stuff up” whined Reaper.

“You should have gone tank like me” rebutted DOOMERANG.

“The tank path is broken. I’d die. Now let me blow stuff up. I have all these mines sitting in my inventory doing nothing. I wanna blow stuff up” repeated Reaper.

“Stuff it! We have civs to rescue. You can blow stuff up by placing mines at the entrance to the mining station” Quassy pointed out to Reaper, “And you can tank as much as you want when we get there” he added, facing DOOMERANG.

“Don’t tell me what to do. I’ll tank whenever I damn well please. It’s not my fault that the secondary tank can’t tank. Who the hell are you anyway? Quassy? What kind of a name is that? ‘Oh look at me, I’m the great Quassy. My name sounds like a wolverine gargling grapefruit juice. Isn’t that awesome?’. Bugger off” shouted DOOMERANG, running to the mining station.

Inquisitor merely shook his head and joined the march. Blaqk mysteriously appeared out of no where, shook his head, spit on the ground, and followed suit. FLDSMDFR beeped in a way that sounded like ‘LOL’ and joined the rest. ArcanePariah ran ahead, knowing that they would all need a medic very, very soon.

“Well… that could have gone better” responded Flint Lockwood after a small pause.

“DOOMERANG is such an ass” growled Quassy, the normally serene man looking very, very angry.

“He’s also our tank” pointed out Lockwood.

“I know that… he’s an” began Quassy.

Suddenly trumpets played, angels sang, and the non-existent clouds opened to let forth a beam of sunlight. The entire world… well… moon… stood upon its axis for a second. The very gods themselves perked up an ear to hear the next word to be spoken.

“Asstank” finished Quassy. With that pronouncement the two joined the rest of the group.